I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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