Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
