see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
