So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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