i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
