today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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