the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
