So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
