I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize