he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
