Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
