there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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