Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
