I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
