Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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