I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
