i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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