Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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