I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
