why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
