The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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