Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
