ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
