And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
