what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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