first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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