im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think my moral compass just broke
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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