The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
