I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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