If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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