We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
