I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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