i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
