my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
