u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
