I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
