drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize