i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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