He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
