why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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