Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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