i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I look better un-naked...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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