I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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