I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
