checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
