glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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