Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
