WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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