You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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