You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
