just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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