his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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