Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
