We need to rekindle our bromance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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