i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
