i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
