i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
