I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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