Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
