Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize