STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
