I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
