rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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