Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
