I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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