Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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