i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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