Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
