the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
how drunk are you?
Several
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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